![]() ![]() POOR: Gandhi was a man of peace who led the Indian resistance movement to British rule. Moreover, since this was not the only policy Louis XIV used in his efforts to control the nobles, you have shown that your paper will defend a debatable position. WHY: The above-stated thesis eliminates the vague word “strong” and specifies the mechanism Louis XIV used to break the nobles’ power. Improved: The Intendant System was the most effective method used by Louis XIV to break the power of the French nobility. WHY: The above-stated thesis contains a vague judgment about Louis XIV that he was “strong.” In addition, it fails to specify exactly how he broke the nobles’ power. POOR: Louis XIV was a strong king who broke the power of the French nobility. Also, this statement removes the obvious fact that tension exists between the two ethnic groups. Now an argument has been created because a concrete explanation has been stated. WHY: The above-stated thesis is much better because it explains what the “numerous reasons” are and focuses on one of them. Improved: The creation of Israeli settlements in the West Bank and Gaza was both an expression of Zionist expansionism and a means to isolate Palestinian population centers. Remember: a thesis statement makes a specific argument and here only a vague reference to multiple reasons for tension is provided. ![]() It needs to explain what the “numerous reasons” are focus on one of them and drop the reference to the obvious. WHY: The above-stated thesis is poor because it is too general and it deals with the obvious – that there is tension between Israelis and Palestinians in the Middle East. POOR: The creation of Israeli settlements in the West Bank and Gaza created great tension between the Israelis and Palestinians for numerous reasons. What’s more, it is debatable, since there may be other explanations for the war’s length. WHY: The above-stated thesis very specifically explains why the uprising resulted in a long war for independence. Improved: Miguel Hidalgo’s 1810 uprising mobilized poor and native Mexicans whose violence frightened elites and prolonged the war for independence. Since there is no argument here, this is not a thesis. WHY: The above-stated thesis is a statement of fact that provides no clue about what you plan to do with that fact in your paper. POOR: Miguel Hidalgo’s uprising in 1810 led to a long war for independence in Mexico. Here are some examples of thesis statements that strive to incorporate these recommendations. The object of your research was to answer a question when you found the answer, you embodied it in your thesis statement.
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